Sweet Sage’s first flight of 2018 is actually her 24th flight of her life. Wait! Maybe it’s number 26, I have lost count. Where is she going so often, you ask? I’m pretty sure she has more airline miles than I do and any day now American Airlines should be sending her an enrollment form for their “elite gold members club”. But I digress, today’s flight had me sitting in the window seat (as usual) feeling cramped like a dried out sardine thinking, “Never again”. Traveling with a toddler, alone, is NO JOKE!
Do you want to know why?
From slamming window shields up and down repetitively, similar to how she performs her favorite song “Open shut them”, or as she calls it “sha shutt”! To walking down the plane aisle during boarding testing out every seat like she’s Goldilocks. She doesn’t understand yet that although they all feel hard as crap some are more pricier than others despite being in the back of the plane.
Oh, how could I forget about the middle of the airport meltdown as I’m packing up bags and breaking down strollers- that just about broke my shoulder. There we were, middle of the busy turnpike. Passengers and workers walking in all crazy directions and the 2.5 ft toddler running aimlessly in the OPPOSITE direction of our gate. The gate agent is on the mic in the background announcing for group eight to board. They only have nine board groups. Our board group is number SIX!!! I’m down on my knees, in the middle of the busy turnpike of people, with a food bag in one hand, stroller clutched by my pinkie finger, backpack strapped on and trying to clutch the pinky of the toddler with my free finger on the opposite hand.
Oh no! Not the grab and hold move. Every mom of a toddler knows that’s a fight waiting to happen. To the ground she melts like lava. SCREAMING!!! MELTING!!!! My “Mommy MacGyver” system is now falling apart. In the middle of the freaking turnpike while the agent is calling the LAST BOARDING group. We’re two gates away! Remember, I chased her in the opposite direction!!!!
We finally get BACK to our gate. I sit her down. Regroup. Search for my inhaler. Wait, I’m not an asthmatic but I felt like one in that moment. My cup spills all over the stroller spilling ice everywhere. Everywhere right where I am preparing to have my ticket scanned by the agent.
ICE!!! Ahhh, her favorite non- nutritious thing to demand whenever it is in sigh. This toddler loves ice so much I have to hide my cups at restaurant’s under the table or on the seat. Honest truth. Back to that fallen ice. Welp, you can guess what happened next. Toddler win. Down the jetway we go. She runs. I waddle, holding on to wet items and open cups. On the plane we go. Second plane of the day. I let her lead and off she takes. Shout out to passenger in seat 29E who pointed his finger over his seat to let me know where she was “hiding”. Of course I knew where she was. No sense in chasing her with bags and open cups.
Speaking of bags and open cups, I sit the cup down in the middle seat. I retrieve the toddler who is NOW eight rows further back and return to our seat. Shimmy my way in to the window seat and, bam! The open cup spills all over the middle seat and inside the bag of fresh food. Food that was intended to be my breakfast, lunch, dinner and SANITY during this eight-plus hour travel day. Does toddler care? Nope she’s climbing seats. I’m hot. I’m sticky and I’m starving!!!
Anyone ever been so happy to have that middle seat open when traveling? I know right! Well having TWO empty seats open is like the lotto for this tired traveling mama. I think the guy in the aisle seat didn’t want to take any chances after that cup incident so he graciously moved to the row behind us. Good looking out sir!
Welp, here I am now 34k feet in the air. Writing, eating cold soggy fries. They were at the bottom of the bag. The bag that the open cup spilled into, remember? Where’s the toddler you ask? Asleep. On those two empty chairs, resting peacefully as she once did when she was an itty bitty baby way back in the days of her former travels? Ha! No she’s lying right on top of me making my right arm go numb. So blame any and all of my typos on that!
Sweet Sage’s Mom